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Love Is a Mathematical Equation
Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 19:19
A version of “love your neighbor as yourself” can be found in every faith tradition around the globe. It is a powerful spiritual practice of love, yet too often we have taken it to mean love your neighbor more than yourself or before yourself. This teaching has been turned into a practice of sacrificing our sense of self and living as a martyr, with an underlying lack of self-love or even self-loathing.
Yet the statement is actually a mathematical equation of equality. Anytime a statement uses the word “as,” it equates the two things, which is exactly what we learned in eighth grade algebra: the equation always maintains the equality of the two components. Therefore you can’t love your neighbor without also loving yourself.
Love your neighbor as yourself is both a description of how life works as well as a prescription of how we can actually experience more love. Everything I do to you, ultimately I do to me, because we are one! Everything I do to me, I do to you, because ultimately we are one.
Spiritual Contemplation: Spend time contemplating the equality of the two sides of this statement. Which side do you need to spend some love on to bring the equation back into balance?
Affirmation: I love my neighbor as myself. I love myself as my neighbor.
Create Spiritual Partnership in our Relationships
In Spiritual Partnership “we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” Sam Keen
Love really is everything it’s cracked up to be. You just have to remember it’s not always spiritual peaks: sometimes it means having to clean up the messes. Growing together, developing a more passionate bond of friendship, and continuously falling in love again and again with the same person—this is what defines the truth of love. It’s important for us to connect and talk with our loved ones, letting them know you hear them, see them, and appreciate them in the midst of your daily routines.
When you two have a tussle, attempt to remember that what is coming up for you is something that has been denied within yourself. In Spiritual Partnerships we look within, not without, for the change of heart. If you are unable to find resolve within, it’s futile to pursue the change somewhere else. Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Stop pouting, forgive your loved one and yourself, and get on with loving. Get back to supporting each other’s dreams and bring the spice back into your life.
Spiritual Contemplation: Where have your concepts of love gotten in your way of experiencing love? How can looking within yourself lead you to be a greater lover of life?
Affirmation: I love to love with my partner!
Karma or Dharma? Relationships on Purpose
Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are. Jo Blackwell-Preston
Karma relationships are those that we call into our lives in order to learn and grow and work out our issues. These are the ones in which we attract someone who is really the opposite of us in some significant way. Initially we love it—eventually it really irritates us. All the arguing and need for them to be different is simply our unwillingness to learn what they are there to teach us. We will be in these relationships over and over again as long as we are unwilling to move into new ways of being. I think of it as our being invited to move toward the middle, toward each other in a way that allows both sides to actually be available to us. When I can speak AND be quiet, for instance, then both are readily available to me to choose from.
As we mature and grow into our greater selves, and when we have released many of our old patterns and unhealed past, we become ready for Dharma relationships. In Dharma relationships we do not face toward each other, but rather we grow and learn side by side. We are mutually supportive of each of us living our purpose. The relationship itself may become a vehicle through which we express and live our purpose. These relationships are truly building Heaven on Earth.
Spiritual Contemplation: Which of my relationships are, or have been, Karma relationships? Which ones are Dharma relationships? Am I ready to move from Karma to Dharma relationships?
Affirmation: I release any unwillingness to learn what you have to teach me. I move toward that which you are inviting me to grow into. I am free to live my purpose!
It Takes Two and the Space Between to create a healthy relationship
A healthy relationship requires both people to be fully invested in it while not becoming absorbed by it. For if we become completely absorbed by each other, we may begin to think that it’s our partner’s job to make us feel fulfilled. We may also start to resent the time he wants us to spend with him if we’re not taking time for ourselves. Ultimately this sucks the relationship dry because nothing new enters into it.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
– Kahlil Gibran on Marriage
But when we are each active in creating fulfillment in our own lives, the more we have to bring to our relationship. We bring the things we are learning, our need for support, and times for celebration into the space between us. This way our joyous love is nurtured and enlivened by each of our lives. We each bring ourselves to a healthy relationship rather than trying to find ourselves in it.
Spiritual Contemplation: What new things am I bringing to my relationships? Notice where you are absorbed in a relationship and where you are lifted by one.
Affirmation: My relationships are nurtured by my spiritual deepening, personal growth, and creative fulfillment. I have so much to offer to my relationships and I rejoice in what they bring to me.
Snuggle Up Together! Create an Open-Hearted Relationship
To open your heart to someone in relationship means exposing the scars of the past. Unknown Author
Let yourself love. There is something so wonderful about having a romantic relationship, if that’s what you want. Of course, it’s not necessary for a fulfilling life, but if you enjoy being in relationship, you have to open yourself up and allow love to flow. This means allowing your heart to be open. It means letting go of protections and barriers that have kept you safe. Yes, we’ve all been hurt, betrayed, and disappointed by people. But you are spiritually maturing now! Your new consciousness will attract someone from a new level of maturity and openness if you will allow it. Strive to be open-hearted.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and trusting. Strive for deep and radical honesty that is caring of how things are said. See yourself and your beloved as capable of growing into a mature and healthy relationship. Allow yourself to really enjoy all the benefits of being together—snuggling, talking, walking, caring, vacationing. Let go of any need for it to be perfect—just treasure every moment for what it is.
Spiritual Contemplation: Begin by imagining the kind of door you have protecting your heart. Simply become quiet and allow it to reveal itself to you. Notice its texture and size. Begin to imagine it becoming clear and then permeable. You are in charge of what comes in and out of it, so it can be anything you want to imagine.
Affirmation: I fling open the door to my heart. I no longer need to protect myself. Spirit’s Love is all the protection I need. I allow Love to flow freely in and out.
Understanding and Vulnerability Creates Love
When we talk about understanding, surely it takes place only when the mind listens completely —the mind being your heart, your nerves, your ears—when you give your whole attention to it. Jiddu Krishnamurti
Have you recently sat with the one you love, held their hand, looked them in the eyes and asked, “Do I understand you enough? Is there anything you’d like me to understand more? Is there a way you would like me to love you better?” You must sincerely and continuously delve into the soul of your beloved, for people grow and evolve and the person you loved yesterday is not quite the same today. There have been challenges and blessings on their path that added to their complexity. Just sharing space and successfully maintaining the routine aren’t what build intimacy. How do you know how their dreams have morphed, what wounds have been opened or hurts inflicted, if you don’t check in with them? What are their desires of this day rather than of days past? Are you loving someone from the past who lives in the same body?
True love requires understanding. If you are not willing to sit with the mystery to explore the realms beyond the surface you’ll never discover the unspoken realms from the soul of your loved one. It takes time to communicate and understand. It can be uncomfortable and exciting, revealing and impactful. But how can you fully love if you don’t know the truth, and how can you be loved if you aren’t truly known? With understanding, true love will surely grow.
Spiritual Contemplation: Create a safe environment where you won’t be interrupted and when your heart can hear without judgment or defense, then take the hand of your loved one and ask if there is anything you need to know to love them better. Seek to understand
Affirmation: I allow myself to be vulnerable to love by seeking to understand in a deeper way!
Being a Doormat in Relationships
You teach people how to treat you in all your relationships. Dr. Phil
Unconditional love is a powerful acceptance of others’ beingness and the unique way they show up in the world. We see through the behaviors that are merely the expression of past experience and false beliefs to the essential reality of another. Unconditional Love does not need people to be different from what they are, but this doesn’t mean that we have to accept everything they do or say. Being a doormat and enduring behavior that is not acceptable in a relationship is not unconditionally loving either another or oneself.
Learning to separate the behavior from the person frees us from needing people to be different in our relationships. This means we don’t blame, or point fingers, or try to fix them. It also means we take ownership of our reactions, trigger points, and old patterns in our relationships. We share our feelings, needs, and requests in a loving manner. Others are free to try to understand and respond in a way that is supportive. They are also free not to. Allowing them the freedom to respond or not also allows us that same freedom. This is all about compatible behavior, mutual values and needs, and learning to get along. It is possible love someone unconditionally without wanting to hang out with him or be in his life.
Spiritual Contemplation: Do I confuse tolerance of unacceptable behavior in a relationship with unconditional love? Can I feel unconditional love while still asking for what I need and want?
Affirmation: I ask for my needs to be met without making someone else wrong. I no longer accept unacceptable behavior in my life!
Splitting Your Focus Defeats Manifestation
And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand. Mark 3:25
Where in your life do you find yourself divided? What are you straddling and not fully committing to? A martial arts student approached his teacher with a question. “I’d like to improve my knowledge of the martial arts. In addition to learning from you, I’d like to study with another teacher in order to learn another style. What do you think of this idea?” “The hunter who chases two rabbits,” answered the master, “catches neither one.”
There are all sorts of clichés written about the lack of commitment: Either get on the boat or stay on the dock; you’ll fall in the water if you keep straddling the decision. You have to go deep if you want to find the gems in life. You can’t run around digging a dozen shallow holes if you want a deep well to bring forth the spring water. Fish or cut bait.
Spiritual Contemplation: Where and how are you splitting your energies in life? What’s keeping you from being able to commit and go deeper in the experience?
Affirmation: I focus with ease and go deep into all my experience!
Your Valentine’s Day Love Affirmation
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. Judy Garland
A popular hagiographical account of Saint Valentine is that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and helping early Christians who were persecuted by the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment he healed the daughter of his jailer. An enhancement to this story states that before his execution he wrote a letter to her and signed a farewell, “Your Valentine.”
Love touches the heart and soul. That is its playground. When you are in the presence of a lover there is an inner aliveness that heals all that aches. Concerns vanish and life is a bit brighter. For that instant in time, you walk in heaven and you are not troubled by the future. The only moment that fills your awareness is the now moment. In the presence of love you feel the courage and support to make all visions possible. Taking the noble stance for what you believe is the right thing to do; it seems logical to follow your heart irrespective of how things fall. Chivalry is not dead to the heart that is in love.
Spiritual Contemplation: On this Valentine’s Day write a hagiographical account of how you would like your contribution of love to the world be remembered.
Affirmation: I am an expression of love!
Love Is Always the Answer
“Love is always the answer,” Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions. Gerald Jampolsky
When I find myself judgmental or angry with people, I can obsess about them for days. It’s as if I’ve rented out a room in my mind into which they’ve moved. They are there every time I sneak a peek through the door and I can have endless conversations with them in my mind. This will go on for a ridiculously long time until I find a new place to stand and a new way to see the situation.
If “love is always the answer,” I ask myself, “What does Love look like in this situation?” It doesn’t mean accepting negative behavior or wanting to have them as my best friend. It does mean that I look at them with softer eyes. I seek to behave toward them in a kind, compassionate, loving manner without giving up being firm and clear and having boundaries. Finding a place to stand in Love means that I stand on Spiritual truth and see from that perspective. I move from my little human ego to my eternal universal Spirit. I see with the Loving Presence of Spirit. In that moment compassion, understanding, and forgiveness replace judgment and anger. Even if the other person doesn’t change, I’m no longer hooked, and everything instantly changes between us. Love is abundantly present; we just have to choose that as our place to stand.
Spiritual Contemplation: Whom have you allowed to rent a room in your mind? Imagine bringing Love to the situation. How does this change things?
Affirmation: Love is always the Answer. I choose to Be Love and bring love to each situation and circumstance.
More Than Enough Love
Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart. Julie Marie
Have you ever tried to give all your love away? Imagine it right now. Give your love, like a beam of light from your heart, to every person you can think of. As much as you can give, does it get used up? Imagine feeling and being loving toward others. How about if you are loving to the clerk in the store and the person on the freeway and the woman in the elevator and the clerk behind the desk. Is it used up now?
There is always enough love because it flows from an infinite wellspring, an eternal presence of Love. We can never run out. There is no shortage of Love, ever, for us to bring into the world. The only time we feel like there isn’t enough is when we are concerned that there isn’t enough coming back to us. Yet the people who love us draw from that same infinite wellspring, so how can they run out? They may run out of patience, or understanding, or maturity, or the ability to cope, but they can’t run out of love.
See yourself as the giver and receiver of Love from this infinite well. Notice that some conduits are bigger than others, some may have a kink in the hose, but there is more than enough to fill up and flow through every pipe!
Spiritual Contemplation: What causes you to feel or believe that there isn’t enough love—in you or in someone else? Turn your attention to the Wellspring of All Good and feel Its unending Presence.
Affirmation: There is more than enough love in Spirit as me to share and express. Love is overflowing in my life.
Falling in Love!
Love is the self-givingness of Spirit into creation. Ernest Holmes
There’s nothing more lovely than the first blush of love. The glow we feel and the beauty we see make everything in our lives feel like more than it was before. We want to be with our beloved, we love everything about them, and we agree with everything they say! What is this feeling but a profound sense of connection and oneness? We feel safe enough to open our hearts and connected enough to go beyond our usual limitations. It’s delicious, and we long for it to last a lifetime.
This love is a human expression of the profound Love that is the Divine Presence. Every time we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love, whether romantically, or with a friend or a child, we are falling in love with the Divine. This sense of connection and oneness is the truth of our soul’s being. Spirit has given Itself, all It is and all It has, into us. We are ONE with Spirit. We are reminded that we can see with the eyes of Love, sing with the heart of Love, and glow with the Presence of Love every moment of every day. Spirit, as Love, is always already there.
Spiritual Contemplation: Imagine snuggling up in front of the fire with the Beloved. Imagine that Spirit’s Love is so present that you are always connected as one. Imagine falling in love with the Divine.
Affirmation: I am falling in love with the Divine. I feel connected and one with all Life. Everything is precious and beautiful.
What Is Unconditional Love?
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not “I love you” for this or that reason, not “I love you if you love me.“ It’s love for no reason, love without an object. Ram Dass
Sometimes I’m gone all day and sometimes I travel for days at a time, yet when I come home my cat is there. She never scolds me or shuns me. She is always happy to have me brush her, pet her, and sit with her. Our dogs unfailingly meet us at the door with wagging tail and bright eyes. They haven’t counted the hours we were away or resented the time we were busy. Every time they greet us, it’s with an open heart and a readiness to be fully present.
In this way our pets teach us about unconditional love. It doesn’t keep score, assign blame, harbor resentment, or need for someone to be different. Good day or bad, centered or not, our pets are there to be with us, sharing the gift of their presence and love. Now this doesn’t mean that they don’t want things from us—food, walking, brushing, and attention. Nor does it mean that they don’t misbehave, act out, or pick up on our emotional state. What it does mean is that regardless of that they continually come back to being a joyful loving presence.
Spiritual Contemplation: What do you think unconditional love is? Who teaches you about unconditional love the most?
Affirmation: I am a joyful and loving presence. I am openhearted, without blame, resentment, or keeping score.
Is There Such a Thing as Unconditional Love?
Agape, a lovely Greek term used to describe the love that the Divine has for Its Creation, is often translated as spiritual or unconditional love.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Loving everyone unconditionally is a wonderful ideal. The only problem is whether we actually know what unconditional love really means. Too many of us had families in which only conditional love was present. How can we love unconditionally if we don’t have an experience of it in our own lives?
Spirit, the Divine Presence of Love, is truly the only unconditional Presence; everything in creation is a condition and therefore relative to everything else. Yet we all have an inner sense and desire to experience unconditional love. So there must be something within us that recognizes it and longs for it. This is an expression of our yearning for the Divine Presence. The longing for a love so palpable and complete that we never question its presence is what drives us to seek Spirit. The wonderful promise from all the saints and mystics of the ages is that when we seek, that which we are looking for immediately reveals Itself to us.
Spiritual Contemplation: Become aware of your yearning for Unconditional Love as a yearning for the Divine Presence. Be present to the revelation of this Presence as the answer to the very thing you are seeking. When and where do you experience it the most?
Affirmation: The Love I am seeking is seeking me. As I turn to the Divine Presence, it immediately shines its Love through me.
What to Do – Toxic Situations may Reveal Great Truth
No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place. Zen Proverb
There is a story of a poisonous tree proposing the question of what to do about it. You could stay away from it and lose the experience of that part of your yard. You could attempt to prune it to control it. You could build a fence around it to keep everything at a safe distance from it. You could cut it down and totally eliminate it. Or you could appreciate it, allowing it to reveal its secrets perhaps discovering its many medicinal blessings and cures while enjoying the gifts of its shade on a hot summer day.
When there is a toxic situation in your life, stop ingesting the poison, but don’t just eliminate it without having it reveal its gifts. You didn’t come across this circumstance (or tree) for no good reason. You are never in the wrong place at the wrong time. If something has brought you to your knees, pray to understand what the message is, because if you don’t, you will continue to suffer, never knowing the remedy the tree, the situation is offering. Rather than clear-cutting the forest and leaving a desolate and barren landscape, recognize the value of adversity. Be patient in your discovery and revelations as life reveals its secrets.
Spiritual Contemplation: What situation in your life would you prefer to have just disappear, rather than love it enough to have it reveal its gifts to you?
Affirmation: I am patient in my understanding of life’s revealing!